Top 10 Things Not To Do In Tokyo
March 21, 2008
Or Japan, for that matter
1. Stand. Do not stand when the subway doors open. Do not stand anywhere. You will be run over, especially by old Japanese women who don’t care how large and foreign you are.
2. Fall asleep on the subway. Somebody will steal your phone.
3. Assume the trains run 24/7. They don’t.
4. Assume once you’re on a train past closing time, it will continue to its stated destination. It won’t. It will stop where it stops and you will be asked to leave. There’s nothing worse than hanging out with Tokyo bums near the train station at 2 AM. They don’t even speak English other than “American?” That used to mean you had money and were kind. The dollar as it is these days, they may have learned to say “European?”
5. Give money to the bums, if you wouldn’t be inclined to at home. But remember, Japanese homeless can be much more persistent, and will follow you a pretty good distance to get a hundred yen out of you.
6. Assume the cops like you. They don’t. They’re looking for a reason, any reason, to bust a foreigner for something. Have your passport handy.
7. Pass anything chopsticks to chopsticks. It’s insulting in their culture. They do this only at cremations, when passing a bone of their loved one between each other.
8. Stick your chopsticks in your rice bowl straight up and leave them there like antennas. It’s another death thing. During O Bon, this is how they signify the recently deceased place at the table.
9. Assume all the temples are different. They’re not. Go to one or two. Enjoy yourself. Note the difference between a Shinto shrine and a Buddhist temple and then you’re done. Honestly, going to more the one would be like going to a Starbucks and expecting a McDonalds. Go to Asakusa or Kamakura, look at the giant Buddha (Daibutsu) and be on your way.
10. Assume you are allowed anywhere Japanese are allowed. You’re not. Welcome, if you’re a white American, to your first experience with segregation.
Bonus: Check out a Kabuki performance in Tokyo, despite the giant line and despite that they go on for hours and hours. Stay for 30 minutes to an hour and then get the hell out of there. You’ve seen all there is to it.
