Now, at $800, you better be able to pull out that glass CD if you mention it.

Here’s the truth about Akiharaba: It’s overwhelming, especially if you can’t read Japanese and are disoriented anyway, and there’s a lot of megaphone barking outside the stores. Everything as priced is too expensive, but dickering is like a Japanese pastime. If you’re good at the game, you can get a good deal—until they pretend they don’t speak English anymore. Some say maps are useless in Akihabara and that’s no problem because the idea is to get lost in electronics heaven. But let’s get real. Most people have other things to do when they’re in Tokyo.

Here are the top ten stores to check out while you’re there. Browse, buy, move on to other things before you get sucked into the maze. And remember, if you’re not near your hotel, anything you buy, you’ll have to tote around Tokyo the rest of the day.

1.    Yodobashi Camera. Just opened 2005. Turn east, look for the giant 9-story building devoted to nothing but electronics.

2.    Super Potato. Just so you can say you’ve been there. The Japanese have a thing for weird potato pairings; there’s a grocery store called “I am Potato,” which is hilarious to any native English speaker. Lots of Nintendo and Sega, for the vintage game lover.

3.    Laox. There are eleven stores just in Akiba under this ownership, each of them specializing in something different like computers, watches, cameras, etc. You likely want the Duty Free store. Asobit City is popular with gamers.

4.    Akky. Three stores, specializing in bound-for-overseas electronics—in case you’d rather not have the Japanese version of Windows and Microsoft Office on your new PC (and you don’t, instead of paper clip, there’s a dolphin that squeaks at you!).

5.    Yamada Denki-Labi. Right across from the train station, you can’t miss it. Computers and weird household accessories.

6.    Sofmap. 16 stores, one of them has a duty free floor. If you can locate store number one, that’s the one with the duty free stuff.

7.    Ishimaru Denki. Ten stores, some for electronic equipment, some for computers, some for music, movies, and games.

8.    Media Land. Arguably the best video game store on Earth, according to the Otaku Genki Manual. Ten floors and ten dollars cheaper than rivals.

9.    Book Off. First for a picture in front of yet another stupid English name, second for the second-hand junk found high above a sort of Starbucks. (Warning. Japanese coffee is usually awful. If you can find a Starbucks, love it, cherish it.)

10.    Yellow Submarine. For obvious reasons, but also because the building it’s in—Kitazawa Building—has every repressed child’s sweet dreams inside. Robots, figurines, Manga and comics. Just keep climbing floors, you’ll see.

1.    Yomamba: Or whatever they’re calling themselves these days. These are the Japanese goth girls. Extra tan, not pale, white lipstick, eyeliner and eye shadow, lose, raggish clothing, bleach blonde hair. The idea is to look like a ghost. Or a photo negative.

2.    Gold digger: You’ll find her in Rappongi, looking hot and ready to party. The hand in the front of your pants is a distraction from the hand on your wallet. Good luck.

3.    Schoolgirl with old man: That’s not her dad. Who do you think bought the outfit?

4.    Club girl. Hot, flat, annoying in a way. She speaks more English than she’s letting on. Kind of like the club girls at home, actually, except flat.

5.    Business woman: While chipping away at the glass ceiling in black skirt-suit, she likes her men aggressive but polite, but most of all she likes them not like her boss. Foreign? She’s open to anything.

6.    Korean girl at the bar: Travels in packs of hotness, doesn’t’ talk to anybody. She’s just here to study and is generally afraid of everything not like Korea. No, she doesn’t speak English. Or Japanese, for that matter, if she can help it.

7.    Ex-pat white girl: Probably a teacher who is sensitive about the chauvinism all around her. She’s ready to get drunk and talk to somebody (anybody) who speaks her language and looks decent. Be a knight in shining armor with a good ear and she’ll love you until one of you gets on a plane and gets out of there.

8.    Ex-pat white girl who’s fluent in Japanese: She’s never had friends in any country, hence the reason she’s had time to learn Japanese so well. Probably a barker. If not a barker, then one who will insist on scholarly oneupsmanship until you decide making love via dictionary with Japanese girl down the row is a better option.

9.    Japanese girl down the row: Is dying to talk to you but is afraid to talk to you. Give it your best. No promises. Better odds if you’re in an English-style pub.

10.     Kimochi girl: She stands outside of a building saying “kimochi” as she tugs on your arm. She’s dressed in dark, drab colors and looks around a lot as she says it, and very likely has bad teeth. Yeah, she’s either a hooker or a masseuse or a hybrid of both. Kimochi means “feels good.” Proceed at your own risk.

2.What the Dickens! — Also just a short stroll from Ebisu station. For the soccer hooligans that really miss home. Ale and cider on tap, British pub food. Some good banter.

3.New York Bar — $20 just to get in and not the place to be if you’re short on cash. But it is one of the best roof-top bars in the world, overlooking Shinjuku.

4.Bonebo – Don’t tell anybody we told you. It’s so hidden you’d think it’s meant to be kept secret. A converted recording studio, it’s somewhere inside Jingu-mae ni-chome.

5.Geronimo – 10 shots in a row gets your name on the wall. Second floor next to Rappongi station.

6.Bar Ambrose – Rappongi, in the Pyramid building. $4 drink Happy Hour, which means this is a great starting place.

7.Hobgoblin – Rappongi, pub-style, lots of ex-pats. House brew will make you spew.

8.Bar Bourbon Street – Because you miss America, don’t you? Jazz in Rappongi.

9.Bandol – Wine bar, because sometimes you want to appear sophisticated when getting shitfaced. In the Minami-Aoyama area.

10.Castillo – Lots of eye candy, Cuban cigars. What else do you need to know? In Rappongi.

1.    Stand. Do not stand when the subway doors open. Do not stand anywhere. You will be run over, especially by old Japanese women who don’t care how large and foreign you are.

2.    Fall asleep on the subway. Somebody will steal your phone.

3.    Assume the trains run 24/7. They don’t.

4.    Assume once you’re on a train past closing time, it will continue to its stated destination. It won’t. It will stop where it stops and you will be asked to leave. There’s nothing worse than hanging out with Tokyo bums near the train station at 2 AM. They don’t even speak English other than “American?” That used to mean you had money and were kind. The dollar as it is these days, they may have learned to say “European?”

5.    Give money to the bums, if you wouldn’t be inclined to at home. But remember, Japanese homeless can be much more persistent, and will follow you a pretty good distance to get a hundred yen out of you.

6.    Assume the cops like you. They don’t. They’re looking for a reason, any reason, to bust a foreigner for something. Have your passport handy.

7.    Pass anything chopsticks to chopsticks. It’s insulting in their culture. They do this only at cremations, when passing a bone of their loved one between each other.

8.    Stick your chopsticks in your rice bowl straight up and leave them there like antennas. It’s another death thing. During O Bon, this is how they signify the recently deceased place at the table.

9.    Assume all the temples are different. They’re not. Go to one or two. Enjoy yourself. Note the difference between a Shinto shrine and a Buddhist temple and then you’re done. Honestly, going to more the one would be like going to a Starbucks and expecting a McDonalds. Go to Asakusa or Kamakura, look at the giant Buddha (Daibutsu) and be on your way.

10.    Assume you are allowed anywhere Japanese are allowed. You’re not. Welcome, if you’re a white American, to your first experience with segregation.

Bonus: Check out a Kabuki performance in Tokyo, despite the giant line and despite that they go on for hours and hours. Stay for 30 minutes to an hour and then get the hell out of there. You’ve seen all there is to it.

2. Horsemeat. It might taste good but could you live with yourself? Why not have some dolphin or chimp while you’re at it?

3. Eyeballs. More than likely, someone will order half-a-tuna head and they will shove their chopsticks in the eye-socket, yank out the fish’s eyeball, and then offer it to you if you’ve never tried it. It’s “good for the brain,” they’ll tell you without a thought for the irony, given the psychological scarring you’ll have.

4. Chicken hearts on a stick. (One of various kinds of yaki-torri.)Look, to emulate John Travolta, chicken livers taste good; chicken breasts taste good; chicken legs taste good. Chicken hearts? If your grandma never dropped a chicken heart on your plate, it was for a good reason.

5. Chicken skin on a stick. The Colonel mastered how to serve chicken skin: breaded, fried, crispy and delicious. In Japan, it still looks like chicken skin, feels like chicken skin, and tastes like chicken skin. They put it on a stick just to make it more awful.

6. Chicken cartilage on a stick. ‘Nuff said.

7. Chinese sweet bean rolls. Every Japanese person will tell you they’re delicious. That’s because the Japanese have a completely different concept of delicious, which includes not-cooked-enough dough stuffed with not-sweet-enough bean paste. The consistency and the pairing will leave you looking for a Pepsi, which you won’t be able to find. Just be glad it’s not something else, because it could be and you won’t be able to read the package to know. It might be a Chinese bun gastronomic surprise!

8. Okonomyaki. Literally translated as “whatever you want,” this is the Japanese native cuisine that is the nearest approximation to pizza. But it’s nothing like pizza. It’s gross. Again, they’ll tell it’s wonderful. Don’t listen.

9. Japanese pizza. Many foreign things have been adopted by the Japanese culture and, just like America has done with culinary imports, have been adapted to Japanese taste. We’ve already established that sometimes that taste is not quite on the mark, and neither is their adaptation of this Italian classic. Unless mayonnaise, squid, and fish sounds good on your pie. And you don’t mind paying $25 for a large, which is roughly the size of a doughnut. Japanese doughnuts, by the way, don’t seem to have any sugar in them. If you do order a pizza, try it near Christmas. At least then you’ll get to see your bike-delivery guy hating his job as he stands at your door in a Santa suit when it’s 60 degrees outside.

10. Fried jellyfish. Never tried it. But be careful because in a picture menu, it looks just like chicken. Don’t go pointing willy-nilly. Make sure you ask if it’s really chicken.

Bonus: Someone may offer you the “delicacy” of octopus lips. These are surprisingly edible, but just barely. You have to chew around the rock hard mouth center, which is kind of like chewing a tire off of its rim. But if you like salty, smoky, little-bitter things, give it a shot.

Bonus #2: Try a shot of turtle’s blood if you dare. It’s for “energy.”

2.Doko desu-ka…(Where is…) — Best pronunciation: doh-koh dess-ka. Begin the question with the object of the question. For example: Where is the toilet? = Toilet-wa doko desu-ka? Btw, “toilet” is pronounced toh-ee-ray, and roll the “r” just a little bit, almost as if it’s an “L.”

3.Kudesai (Please) – Self-explanatory; use where appropriate. Or after extra-gaijin requests like asking for a fork: Kudesai, Foku-wa arimasuka? (Ah-ree-mas-kah). Literally: Please, fork is there? Japanese = talking like Yoda.

4.Gomenesai (I’m sorry) – When you step on somebody’s foot on the subway. (Also useful if you accidentally stroll in to a Yakuza joint.)

5.Daijobu (That’s okay) – When somebody apologizes to you, which may be unlikely.

6.Nama birru hitatsu (One draft beer) – The Japanese number system is crazy. There are different words for numbers, depending on whether you are numbering cylindrical things or flat things or bottles or rabbits or birds or fish…on and on and on. When ordering beer, stick with “hitatsu,” which is for bottles of beer. “Nama” means “raw” or “draft,” which really comes out of big bottle usually anyway. If you want two beers, the number is “futatsu.” Three is “mitsu.” Any more than that, just hold up the appropriate number of fingers and smile. They’ll get it. Tell them whether you want Sapporo, Asahi, or Kirin. They usually have Bud and/or Bud Light, and sometimes even Heinekin.

7.Nan-sai desu-ka (How old are you?) — This could come in handy. Age of consent is typically 20, so watch yourself. The word for “20” is “ni-ju,” or 2 x 10, so any age that begins in “ni-ju…” is fair game. Do not confuse it with ju-ni, or 10 plus 2.

8.Kimochi (Feels good) – Not for you to say, but to understand. If an attractive girl tugs on your arm and uses this word repeatedly, she is likely one of many different kinds of prostitutes—or a legitimate masseuse. Proceed at your own risk. If she says “Sen zuri,” she’s definitely a prostitute.

9.Ikura? (How much?) — This is in no way related to #8. You will need this for other things, too, you perv. If you ask in Japanese, though, be prepared to get a Japanese answer. The best way to handle this is to know your general numbers, ich, ni, san, shi, go…et cetera.

10.Shitsurei (Excuse me) – That’s pronounced sheets-oo-ray, potty mouth. (Though you can have fun with them by asking them to use the word “city,” hardee-har-har.) It’s a polite word, used mostly if you are interrupting someone or getting a strangers attention. If more casual or feel you are even footing with someone, “chotto,” works well, too. For example, you might ask a ni-ju sai woman “Chotto, chotto. Opai-pabu-wa, doko desu-ka?” Just kidding. Don’t ask that. If so, you just asked where the nudie-bar is.

Bonus: When leaving a restaurant, it’s traditional to bow a little to hosts and say “Go chiso sama desushita!” — go-chee-soh-sah-mah-desh-tah. It means, literally, “It was a feast!” A nice way of thanking them for their hard work.

So, check out Shibuya, where you can find some great $20 all-you-can-drink-all-night specials. On the way there, just outside Shibuya Station, you may run into these things.

1. Hachiko. This is the name of the dog they immortalized in bronze at the Station. He symbolizes loyalty because legend has it that his master died at work, but Hachiko showed up at the train station every day anyway. The statue is also a hotbed for anti-American sentiment, right-wingers on top of vans shouting into bullhorns and handing out petitions to everybody that doesn’t look like you.

2. Rainbow dog. Yes, another dog. Well, dogs. The Japanese like to make stupid little yippy dogs stupider by dying their hair all kinds of colors. Don’t be surprised when you nearly trip over a dog with pink, blue, and yellow hair.

3. Weird orange-leisure-suit band wearing sunglasses at night. They play right outside the station and can gather a crowd—not because they’re any good, but because they’re weird.

4. Clusterf**k at the intersection. There’s a big, four-road intersection right outside the train station. On a Friday night, say 7ish, it looks like a concert just let out. Just squeeze yourself in and go with the flow in the general direction you want to go.

5. Fake drugs. Once you’re across the sea of people in the intersection, you’ll likely run into an out-door hipster market with likely Yakuza merchants selling “legal drugs” they compare to ecstasy, mushrooms, whatever. Try if you like, but it’s probably Sudafed.

6. Pimps. Lots of ‘em, looking for men, most definitely Yakuza. Proceed with caution, and according to your own morals and/or budget. Tip: The prostitution laws in Japan are very politician-friendly. Prostitutes and pimps get arrested, Johns typically don’t. But it may not be worth the risk, right? Best to ignore them and continue on your way.

7. Clubs. Just walk around and you’ll see them. Often small like everything in Japan with some kind of drink special. The super hot wearing-very-little Japanese women are there with somebody, guaranteed. The Korean girls are in large, beautiful groups and not interested in talking to anybody. So it’s just like going to a club back home. If you don’t know them already, you may not have any luck.

8. Japanese teens dressed in Hip Hop gear. Lots of ‘em. They’ll make you laugh. Enjoy.

9. Schoolgirls out too late and with men much too old for them. This is a “special” relationship. The old man is paying for her school uniform and school-associated necessities. She offers him “company.” This is kind of legal, like escort services.

10. Trains not running after midnight. If you didn’t come to party all night, you’d better make sure you’re back at the station, timing the last train just right so you’re sure it can make it back to where you’re going before the entire Japanese rail system shuts down for the night. Otherwise, unless you want to pay way, way, way too much for a cab, you’re stuck in Shibuya until dawn. Better there than somewhere in between after they kick you off the train.

Location : (Found across Japan)

100 Yen shops have been around since the dawn of time in Japan and are commonly found in some shopping areas. The shop provides a huge range of products from gardening, stationery, kitchen, clothing, electronics, tools, all for 105 Yen a piece (100 Yen plus 5 percent consumption tax). Despite the cheap prices, the quality of the products is acceptable. Cheap one-price stores are popular in Japan and now spreading to Thailand and other Asian countries.

2. Shibuya 109 Building

Location : 2-29-1 Dogenzaka Shibuya-ku
Telephone : 03-3477-5111

Shibuya is the coolest area in a maze of small alley for shopping in Tokyo. Hundreds of trendy stores, variety hip clothing boutiques and accessories are widely found. The place is always packed with crazy shoppers, most of them are teens dressing in platform boots, a miniskirt, copious amounts of makeup and hair coloring in different styles. Also they wear cosplay (costume play) resembling cartoon anime characters and punk musicians. Shibuya 109 building is very popular and is the center point for young people, catering Japanese teenagers’ unique taste.

3. Takeshita-dori

Location : Jingu-mae 1-chome, Shibuya-ku Tokyo

Located conveniently opposite Harajuku Station, Takeshita-dori allures a crowd of young fashionable people especially young Tokyoite. A number of cutting-edge boutiques are lavishly lined along Takeshita-dori, which gets the place cluttered with local and tourists particularly those who visit Tokyo on a school trip. This is the place for small idol goods and trendy clothes and designer accessories.

4. Omotesando

Omotesando is considered one of the top three most popular areas of town in Tokyo and known as the upscale shopping area providing big-name brand outlets. Not only international brand clothing boutiques range from Louis Vuitton, Chanel to Gucci that featured in Omotesando, but also excellent café, restaurants and toy store Kiddyland are presented. Omotesando is tree-lined avenue and the place of world fashion consumption.

5. Ginza

Ginza is the most exclusive and expensive shopping area in Japan. The famous downtown of Japan, which is located in Chou-Ku, appears neon signs that color the dull atmosphere at night. There are numerous spacious department stores, Wako and Miatsukoshi are two of the most famous along with Superb restaurants and gorgeous photo galleries. Ginza is Japanese’s symbol of elegance.

6. Oriental Bazaar

Location : 5-9-13 Jingumae Tokyo, 13 150-0001
Telephone : +81 (0)3 3400 3933

Oriental Bazaar is one of the most famous Japanese souvenir shops which is really famous among tourists in search of typical Japanese souvenirs. The four-storey place, which appears to be a traditional Japanese temple building, is notably one of the best places to buy affordable and beautiful, second-hand original kimonos. The bazaar satisfies your needs on buying gifts and souvenirs back home.

7. LaForet Harajuku

Location : 1-11-6 JingumaeShibuya-kuTokyo
Telephone : 03-3475-0411

LaForet Harajuku is a cutting-edge shopping complex with the LaForet Museum located on the top floor. The seven-floor shopping complex features a number of fashion boutiques which is a local landmark and shops, while the museum has hosted a wide range of events offering visitors opportunities to enjoy art and entertainment. The teen fashion mega store is known for its big summer bargain sales in July.

8. Kinokuniya

Location : 3-17-7 shinjuku - shinjuku-ku - tokyo 160-0022
Telephone : +81 3 33540131

Kinokuniya is one Tokyo’s largest bookshops near the Time Square Shopping center south exit of Shinjuku Station. The immense bookstore devotes its majority area for English books, however, it’s a comprehensive bookshop with magazines, books on Japan, dictionaries and textbooks for students of Japanese, and novels. Come Indulge yourself in the world of edutainment.

9. Isetan

Location : 3-14-1 Shinjuku Tokyo, 13 160-0022
Telephone : +81 (0)3 3352 1111

Considered the oldest and largest department store in Tokyo, Isetan features many stores of contemporary and fashionable clothing boutique while a great kimono section along with all the traditional accessories are also provided. Isetan also stocks a special range of women’s clothing (Clover Shop) and men’s wear (Supermale) in slightly larger sizes for those not quite petite enough for the standard Japanese range. Many branches were launched in many Asian countries.

10. Kiddy Land

Location : 6-1-9 Jingumae Tokyo, 13 150-0001
Telephone : +81 (0)3 3409 3431

From Hello Kitty, Barbie, Disney to Spider man are all featured in Kiddy Land, the paradise of all kids, but do not be embarrassed to enter the store if you are no longer a kid, you can’t resist the temptation from Kiddy Land. The six-floor toy store is one of the most famous in Tokyo where a wonderful range of toys can be excessively found, leaving the fantastic shop far from a snorefest.

1. Ninja Akasaka

Location : 2-14-3 Nagatacho, Chiyoda-ku
Telephone: 03-5157-3936

Ninja Akasaka is adorned in a ninja-themed restaurant and its hidden entrance makes the place more mysterious and extraordinary. Once you enter the door, you are greeted and get served by a ninja. Watch out traps in the restaurants, you will never know when those ninjas will try to trick you. Ninja Akasaka is a real Japan’s so called entertainment restaurant. Edible Bonsai is a highly recommended dessert.

2. Yabu Soba

Location : 2-10 Awajicho Chiyoda-ku
Telephone : 3251-0287

Outside Yabu Soba stands a traditional bamboo courtyard which is the entrance into the excellent antique Japan restaurant. The chilled noodles (soba) are quite common in Japan but Kamo-namban (soba with duck meat) and anago namban (soba with conger eel) are recommended. The restaurant has now been in the same family for six generations and 50 branches were launched. This strongly guarantees its quality and popularity.

3. Torigin Honten

Location : 3-14-22 Nishiki Naka-ku, Sakae
Telephone : (052) 973-3000

Torigin Honten offers real traditional Japanese cuisine with a casual atmosphere. Due to being located conveniently in the heart of the city, the eatery draws a large number of customers for snack and full meals every day. Torigin Honten’s popular dishes are yakitori and kamameshi (a kettle cooked rice with a range of toppings such as chicken, mushrooms, bamboo shoots and prawns).

4. Kurosawa

Location : 2-7-9 Nagata-cho, Chiyoda
Telephone : 03-3580-9638

From a director to a chef, Akira Kurasawa has made his restaurant, Kurosawa, to perfection. The dishes from Kurosawa are high-quality and the most popular dishes are soba noodles and pork sukiyaki. The interior design of the dining rooms were simply presented but decorated with a selection of storyboard frames painted by Kurosawa in preparation for each movie.

5. Aux Bacchanales

Location : Kioicho 4-1, Shin-Kioicho Bldg. 1F.
Telephone : 03-5276-3422.

Adorned in bright tone and French theme, Aux Bacchanales is a stylish eatery with gourmet French menu. Customers opt to enjoy great steak frite and red wines inside the lively dining room or good coffee at an open terrace facing the Shimizudani Park. These outdoor seats are heated in winter.

6. Jangara Ramen

Location : Ginza 7-11-10, New Ginza Bldg
Telephone : 3289-2307

“Get in line please!” Staff of Jangara Ramen might be fed up with saying that sentence everyday but what do they do! Jangara Ramen is a famous Chinese Kyushu ramen shop and people can’t help queuing to get in. Chinese noodles called kyushu style ramen is made in three types of soup: fish, mild & light, greasy garlic and the price is reasonable.

7. Sushiko

Location : 6-3-8 Ginza
Telephone : 03-3571-1968

Never ask a menu when you get in Sushiko as a written menu is not available. All sushi lovers are attracted to this sushi restaurant with their menu in mind. It’s such a tough task getting a seat since the counter supports only 11 customers. Owned by a fourth-generation restaurateur, the restaurant remains its popularity and the quality of sushi until now.

8. Union Square Tokyo

Location : Akasaka 9-7-5, Tokyo Midtown Garden Terrace B1F.
Telephone : 5413-7780

Union Square features excellent international dishes. The restaurant is well adorned with lightings, making it like heaven on earth. There are various menus but the highlights are the pan-seared foie gras with orange slices and bamboo shoots; Iberico pork; and tuna filet mignon - big tuna chunks marinated in soy and mirin served with tasty wasabi mashed potatoes.

9. Kosaku Kofu

Location : Kofu City, Kitaguchi 1-4-11.
Telephone : 055-252-9818

Kosaku Kofu proudly presents its most popular dish; hoto, it’s flat udon noodles served with pumpkin and other vegetables in a buttery miso-based broth. Hoto cannot be widely found in other restaurants and hoto (which comes in a very hot iron cauldron) of Kosaku Kofu is incomparable. The eatery is decorated with old-fashioned farmhouse decor and a TV set going in the background, making it a perfect place for dining.

10. Sakura Sakura

Location : Kofu City, Marunouchi 2-16-6.
Telephone : 055-223-8110

The restaurant features wide range of dishes; charcoal-grilled chicken which is good with drinks, the tsukune (chicken meatballs), healthy grilled vegetable platter and four variations on hoto. The decorations are a great combination between concrete floors and walls, bamboo and stone elements.