Top 10 Things Not To Do In Tokyo
March 21, 2008
Or Japan, for that matter
1. Stand. Do not stand when the subway doors open. Do not stand anywhere. You will be run over, especially by old Japanese women who don’t care how large and foreign you are.
2. Fall asleep on the subway. Somebody will steal your phone.
3. Assume the trains run 24/7. They don’t.
4. Assume once you’re on a train past closing time, it will continue to its stated destination. It won’t. It will stop where it stops and you will be asked to leave. There’s nothing worse than hanging out with Tokyo bums near the train station at 2 AM. They don’t even speak English other than “American?” That used to mean you had money and were kind. The dollar as it is these days, they may have learned to say “European?”
5. Give money to the bums, if you wouldn’t be inclined to at home. But remember, Japanese homeless can be much more persistent, and will follow you a pretty good distance to get a hundred yen out of you.
6. Assume the cops like you. They don’t. They’re looking for a reason, any reason, to bust a foreigner for something. Have your passport handy.
7. Pass anything chopsticks to chopsticks. It’s insulting in their culture. They do this only at cremations, when passing a bone of their loved one between each other.
8. Stick your chopsticks in your rice bowl straight up and leave them there like antennas. It’s another death thing. During O Bon, this is how they signify the recently deceased place at the table.
9. Assume all the temples are different. They’re not. Go to one or two. Enjoy yourself. Note the difference between a Shinto shrine and a Buddhist temple and then you’re done. Honestly, going to more the one would be like going to a Starbucks and expecting a McDonalds. Go to Asakusa or Kamakura, look at the giant Buddha (Daibutsu) and be on your way.
10. Assume you are allowed anywhere Japanese are allowed. You’re not. Welcome, if you’re a white American, to your first experience with segregation.
Bonus: Check out a Kabuki performance in Tokyo, despite the giant line and despite that they go on for hours and hours. Stay for 30 minutes to an hour and then get the hell out of there. You’ve seen all there is to it.
Top 10 Things Not To Eat
March 14, 2008
1. Smoked squid guts. Explanation necessary? A traditional Japanese fare, like torture by appetizer. They’ll be served like one might serve crackers or beer nuts, as light-weight snacks before meals or drinking, in a little bowl. If it looks like rubber bands in butter don’t eat it. It’ll taste like rubber bands in kerosene.
2. Horsemeat. It might taste good but could you live with yourself? Why not have some dolphin or chimp while you’re at it?
3. Eyeballs. More than likely, someone will order half-a-tuna head and they will shove their chopsticks in the eye-socket, yank out the fish’s eyeball, and then offer it to you if you’ve never tried it. It’s “good for the brain,” they’ll tell you without a thought for the irony, given the psychological scarring you’ll have.
4. Chicken hearts on a stick. (One of various kinds of yaki-torri.)Look, to emulate John Travolta, chicken livers taste good; chicken breasts taste good; chicken legs taste good. Chicken hearts? If your grandma never dropped a chicken heart on your plate, it was for a good reason.
5. Chicken skin on a stick. The Colonel mastered how to serve chicken skin: breaded, fried, crispy and delicious. In Japan, it still looks like chicken skin, feels like chicken skin, and tastes like chicken skin. They put it on a stick just to make it more awful.
6. Chicken cartilage on a stick. ‘Nuff said.
7. Chinese sweet bean rolls. Every Japanese person will tell you they’re delicious. That’s because the Japanese have a completely different concept of delicious, which includes not-cooked-enough dough stuffed with not-sweet-enough bean paste. The consistency and the pairing will leave you looking for a Pepsi, which you won’t be able to find. Just be glad it’s not something else, because it could be and you won’t be able to read the package to know. It might be a Chinese bun gastronomic surprise!
8. Okonomyaki. Literally translated as “whatever you want,” this is the Japanese native cuisine that is the nearest approximation to pizza. But it’s nothing like pizza. It’s gross. Again, they’ll tell it’s wonderful. Don’t listen.
9. Japanese pizza. Many foreign things have been adopted by the Japanese culture and, just like America has done with culinary imports, have been adapted to Japanese taste. We’ve already established that sometimes that taste is not quite on the mark, and neither is their adaptation of this Italian classic. Unless mayonnaise, squid, and fish sounds good on your pie. And you don’t mind paying $25 for a large, which is roughly the size of a doughnut. Japanese doughnuts, by the way, don’t seem to have any sugar in them. If you do order a pizza, try it near Christmas. At least then you’ll get to see your bike-delivery guy hating his job as he stands at your door in a Santa suit when it’s 60 degrees outside.
10. Fried jellyfish. Never tried it. But be careful because in a picture menu, it looks just like chicken. Don’t go pointing willy-nilly. Make sure you ask if it’s really chicken.
Bonus: Someone may offer you the “delicacy” of octopus lips. These are surprisingly edible, but just barely. You have to chew around the rock hard mouth center, which is kind of like chewing a tire off of its rim. But if you like salty, smoky, little-bitter things, give it a shot.
Bonus #2: Try a shot of turtle’s blood if you dare. It’s for “energy.”
Top 10 Phrases You’ll Need In Tokyo
March 7, 2008
1.Domo arigato gozaimasu (Thank you so much) – The people in Tokyo are surprisingly friendly and helpful for such a big city place. And it’s not hard to find somebody who speaks English really. But everybody needs to know how to say “thanks,” right? A simple thanks is “domo.” A slight more respectful “Thank you” is “Arigato.” Save the full phrase for when you really, really mean it. Tip: Domo is also “hi” and “bye” It’s more of an acknowledgment than a thanks.
2.Doko desu-ka…(Where is…) — Best pronunciation: doh-koh dess-ka. Begin the question with the object of the question. For example: Where is the toilet? = Toilet-wa doko desu-ka? Btw, “toilet” is pronounced toh-ee-ray, and roll the “r” just a little bit, almost as if it’s an “L.”
3.Kudesai (Please) – Self-explanatory; use where appropriate. Or after extra-gaijin requests like asking for a fork: Kudesai, Foku-wa arimasuka? (Ah-ree-mas-kah). Literally: Please, fork is there? Japanese = talking like Yoda.
4.Gomenesai (I’m sorry) – When you step on somebody’s foot on the subway. (Also useful if you accidentally stroll in to a Yakuza joint.)
5.Daijobu (That’s okay) – When somebody apologizes to you, which may be unlikely.
6.Nama birru hitatsu (One draft beer) – The Japanese number system is crazy. There are different words for numbers, depending on whether you are numbering cylindrical things or flat things or bottles or rabbits or birds or fish…on and on and on. When ordering beer, stick with “hitatsu,” which is for bottles of beer. “Nama” means “raw” or “draft,” which really comes out of big bottle usually anyway. If you want two beers, the number is “futatsu.” Three is “mitsu.” Any more than that, just hold up the appropriate number of fingers and smile. They’ll get it. Tell them whether you want Sapporo, Asahi, or Kirin. They usually have Bud and/or Bud Light, and sometimes even Heinekin.
7.Nan-sai desu-ka (How old are you?) — This could come in handy. Age of consent is typically 20, so watch yourself. The word for “20” is “ni-ju,” or 2 x 10, so any age that begins in “ni-ju…” is fair game. Do not confuse it with ju-ni, or 10 plus 2.
8.Kimochi (Feels good) – Not for you to say, but to understand. If an attractive girl tugs on your arm and uses this word repeatedly, she is likely one of many different kinds of prostitutes—or a legitimate masseuse. Proceed at your own risk. If she says “Sen zuri,” she’s definitely a prostitute.
9.Ikura? (How much?) — This is in no way related to #8. You will need this for other things, too, you perv. If you ask in Japanese, though, be prepared to get a Japanese answer. The best way to handle this is to know your general numbers, ich, ni, san, shi, go…et cetera.
10.Shitsurei (Excuse me) – That’s pronounced sheets-oo-ray, potty mouth. (Though you can have fun with them by asking them to use the word “city,” hardee-har-har.) It’s a polite word, used mostly if you are interrupting someone or getting a strangers attention. If more casual or feel you are even footing with someone, “chotto,” works well, too. For example, you might ask a ni-ju sai woman “Chotto, chotto. Opai-pabu-wa, doko desu-ka?” Just kidding. Don’t ask that. If so, you just asked where the nudie-bar is.
Bonus: When leaving a restaurant, it’s traditional to bow a little to hosts and say “Go chiso sama desushita!” — go-chee-soh-sah-mah-desh-tah. It means, literally, “It was a feast!” A nice way of thanking them for their hard work.
Top 10 Restaurants in Tokyo
November 20, 2007
Here are a list of the best 10 restaurants in Tokyo… Enjoy!
1. Ninja Akasaka
Location : 2-14-3 Nagatacho, Chiyoda-ku
Telephone: 03-5157-3936
Ninja Akasaka is adorned in a ninja-themed restaurant and its hidden entrance makes the place more mysterious and extraordinary. Once you enter the door, you are greeted and get served by a ninja. Watch out traps in the restaurants, you will never know when those ninjas will try to trick you. Ninja Akasaka is a real Japan’s so called entertainment restaurant. Edible Bonsai is a highly recommended dessert.
2. Yabu Soba
Location : 2-10 Awajicho Chiyoda-ku
Telephone : 3251-0287
Outside Yabu Soba stands a traditional bamboo courtyard which is the entrance into the excellent antique Japan restaurant. The chilled noodles (soba) are quite common in Japan but Kamo-namban (soba with duck meat) and anago namban (soba with conger eel) are recommended. The restaurant has now been in the same family for six generations and 50 branches were launched. This strongly guarantees its quality and popularity.
3. Torigin Honten
Location : 3-14-22 Nishiki Naka-ku, Sakae
Telephone : (052) 973-3000
Torigin Honten offers real traditional Japanese cuisine with a casual atmosphere. Due to being located conveniently in the heart of the city, the eatery draws a large number of customers for snack and full meals every day. Torigin Honten’s popular dishes are yakitori and kamameshi (a kettle cooked rice with a range of toppings such as chicken, mushrooms, bamboo shoots and prawns).
4. Kurosawa
Location : 2-7-9 Nagata-cho, Chiyoda
Telephone : 03-3580-9638
From a director to a chef, Akira Kurasawa has made his restaurant, Kurosawa, to perfection. The dishes from Kurosawa are high-quality and the most popular dishes are soba noodles and pork sukiyaki. The interior design of the dining rooms were simply presented but decorated with a selection of storyboard frames painted by Kurosawa in preparation for each movie.
5. Aux Bacchanales
Location : Kioicho 4-1, Shin-Kioicho Bldg. 1F.
Telephone : 03-5276-3422.
Adorned in bright tone and French theme, Aux Bacchanales is a stylish eatery with gourmet French menu. Customers opt to enjoy great steak frite and red wines inside the lively dining room or good coffee at an open terrace facing the Shimizudani Park. These outdoor seats are heated in winter.
6. Jangara Ramen
Location : Ginza 7-11-10, New Ginza Bldg
Telephone : 3289-2307
“Get in line please!” Staff of Jangara Ramen might be fed up with saying that sentence everyday but what do they do! Jangara Ramen is a famous Chinese Kyushu ramen shop and people can’t help queuing to get in. Chinese noodles called kyushu style ramen is made in three types of soup: fish, mild & light, greasy garlic and the price is reasonable.
7. Sushiko
Location : 6-3-8 Ginza
Telephone : 03-3571-1968
Never ask a menu when you get in Sushiko as a written menu is not available. All sushi lovers are attracted to this sushi restaurant with their menu in mind. It’s such a tough task getting a seat since the counter supports only 11 customers. Owned by a fourth-generation restaurateur, the restaurant remains its popularity and the quality of sushi until now.
8. Union Square Tokyo
Location : Akasaka 9-7-5, Tokyo Midtown Garden Terrace B1F.
Telephone : 5413-7780
Union Square features excellent international dishes. The restaurant is well adorned with lightings, making it like heaven on earth. There are various menus but the highlights are the pan-seared foie gras with orange slices and bamboo shoots; Iberico pork; and tuna filet mignon - big tuna chunks marinated in soy and mirin served with tasty wasabi mashed potatoes.
9. Kosaku Kofu
Location : Kofu City, Kitaguchi 1-4-11.
Telephone : 055-252-9818
Kosaku Kofu proudly presents its most popular dish; hoto, it’s flat udon noodles served with pumpkin and other vegetables in a buttery miso-based broth. Hoto cannot be widely found in other restaurants and hoto (which comes in a very hot iron cauldron) of Kosaku Kofu is incomparable. The eatery is decorated with old-fashioned farmhouse decor and a TV set going in the background, making it a perfect place for dining.
10. Sakura Sakura
Location : Kofu City, Marunouchi 2-16-6.
Telephone : 055-223-8110
The restaurant features wide range of dishes; charcoal-grilled chicken which is good with drinks, the tsukune (chicken meatballs), healthy grilled vegetable platter and four variations on hoto. The decorations are a great combination between concrete floors and walls, bamboo and stone elements.
