Ten Types of Chicks In Tokyo
April 11, 2008
In no particular order
1. Yomamba: Or whatever they’re calling themselves these days. These are the Japanese goth girls. Extra tan, not pale, white lipstick, eyeliner and eye shadow, lose, raggish clothing, bleach blonde hair. The idea is to look like a ghost. Or a photo negative.
2. Gold digger: You’ll find her in Rappongi, looking hot and ready to party. The hand in the front of your pants is a distraction from the hand on your wallet. Good luck.
3. Schoolgirl with old man: That’s not her dad. Who do you think bought the outfit?
4. Club girl. Hot, flat, annoying in a way. She speaks more English than she’s letting on. Kind of like the club girls at home, actually, except flat.
5. Business woman: While chipping away at the glass ceiling in black skirt-suit, she likes her men aggressive but polite, but most of all she likes them not like her boss. Foreign? She’s open to anything.
6. Korean girl at the bar: Travels in packs of hotness, doesn’t’ talk to anybody. She’s just here to study and is generally afraid of everything not like Korea. No, she doesn’t speak English. Or Japanese, for that matter, if she can help it.
7. Ex-pat white girl: Probably a teacher who is sensitive about the chauvinism all around her. She’s ready to get drunk and talk to somebody (anybody) who speaks her language and looks decent. Be a knight in shining armor with a good ear and she’ll love you until one of you gets on a plane and gets out of there.
8. Ex-pat white girl who’s fluent in Japanese: She’s never had friends in any country, hence the reason she’s had time to learn Japanese so well. Probably a barker. If not a barker, then one who will insist on scholarly oneupsmanship until you decide making love via dictionary with Japanese girl down the row is a better option.
9. Japanese girl down the row: Is dying to talk to you but is afraid to talk to you. Give it your best. No promises. Better odds if you’re in an English-style pub.
10. Kimochi girl: She stands outside of a building saying “kimochi” as she tugs on your arm. She’s dressed in dark, drab colors and looks around a lot as she says it, and very likely has bad teeth. Yeah, she’s either a hooker or a masseuse or a hybrid of both. Kimochi means “feels good.” Proceed at your own risk.
Top 10 Bars In Tokyo
April 4, 2008
1.Footnik — If you like soccer hooligans – or the closest equivalent in Japan – check out Footnik, just a block or so from Ebisu station.
2.What the Dickens! — Also just a short stroll from Ebisu station. For the soccer hooligans that really miss home. Ale and cider on tap, British pub food. Some good banter.
3.New York Bar — $20 just to get in and not the place to be if you’re short on cash. But it is one of the best roof-top bars in the world, overlooking Shinjuku.
4.Bonebo – Don’t tell anybody we told you. It’s so hidden you’d think it’s meant to be kept secret. A converted recording studio, it’s somewhere inside Jingu-mae ni-chome.
5.Geronimo – 10 shots in a row gets your name on the wall. Second floor next to Rappongi station.
6.Bar Ambrose – Rappongi, in the Pyramid building. $4 drink Happy Hour, which means this is a great starting place.
7.Hobgoblin – Rappongi, pub-style, lots of ex-pats. House brew will make you spew.
8.Bar Bourbon Street – Because you miss America, don’t you? Jazz in Rappongi.
9.Bandol – Wine bar, because sometimes you want to appear sophisticated when getting shitfaced. In the Minami-Aoyama area.
10.Castillo – Lots of eye candy, Cuban cigars. What else do you need to know? In Rappongi.
Top 10 Things Not To Eat
March 14, 2008
1. Smoked squid guts. Explanation necessary? A traditional Japanese fare, like torture by appetizer. They’ll be served like one might serve crackers or beer nuts, as light-weight snacks before meals or drinking, in a little bowl. If it looks like rubber bands in butter don’t eat it. It’ll taste like rubber bands in kerosene.
2. Horsemeat. It might taste good but could you live with yourself? Why not have some dolphin or chimp while you’re at it?
3. Eyeballs. More than likely, someone will order half-a-tuna head and they will shove their chopsticks in the eye-socket, yank out the fish’s eyeball, and then offer it to you if you’ve never tried it. It’s “good for the brain,” they’ll tell you without a thought for the irony, given the psychological scarring you’ll have.
4. Chicken hearts on a stick. (One of various kinds of yaki-torri.)Look, to emulate John Travolta, chicken livers taste good; chicken breasts taste good; chicken legs taste good. Chicken hearts? If your grandma never dropped a chicken heart on your plate, it was for a good reason.
5. Chicken skin on a stick. The Colonel mastered how to serve chicken skin: breaded, fried, crispy and delicious. In Japan, it still looks like chicken skin, feels like chicken skin, and tastes like chicken skin. They put it on a stick just to make it more awful.
6. Chicken cartilage on a stick. ‘Nuff said.
7. Chinese sweet bean rolls. Every Japanese person will tell you they’re delicious. That’s because the Japanese have a completely different concept of delicious, which includes not-cooked-enough dough stuffed with not-sweet-enough bean paste. The consistency and the pairing will leave you looking for a Pepsi, which you won’t be able to find. Just be glad it’s not something else, because it could be and you won’t be able to read the package to know. It might be a Chinese bun gastronomic surprise!
8. Okonomyaki. Literally translated as “whatever you want,” this is the Japanese native cuisine that is the nearest approximation to pizza. But it’s nothing like pizza. It’s gross. Again, they’ll tell it’s wonderful. Don’t listen.
9. Japanese pizza. Many foreign things have been adopted by the Japanese culture and, just like America has done with culinary imports, have been adapted to Japanese taste. We’ve already established that sometimes that taste is not quite on the mark, and neither is their adaptation of this Italian classic. Unless mayonnaise, squid, and fish sounds good on your pie. And you don’t mind paying $25 for a large, which is roughly the size of a doughnut. Japanese doughnuts, by the way, don’t seem to have any sugar in them. If you do order a pizza, try it near Christmas. At least then you’ll get to see your bike-delivery guy hating his job as he stands at your door in a Santa suit when it’s 60 degrees outside.
10. Fried jellyfish. Never tried it. But be careful because in a picture menu, it looks just like chicken. Don’t go pointing willy-nilly. Make sure you ask if it’s really chicken.
Bonus: Someone may offer you the “delicacy” of octopus lips. These are surprisingly edible, but just barely. You have to chew around the rock hard mouth center, which is kind of like chewing a tire off of its rim. But if you like salty, smoky, little-bitter things, give it a shot.
Bonus #2: Try a shot of turtle’s blood if you dare. It’s for “energy.”
Top 10 Phrases You’ll Need In Tokyo
March 7, 2008
1.Domo arigato gozaimasu (Thank you so much) – The people in Tokyo are surprisingly friendly and helpful for such a big city place. And it’s not hard to find somebody who speaks English really. But everybody needs to know how to say “thanks,” right? A simple thanks is “domo.” A slight more respectful “Thank you” is “Arigato.” Save the full phrase for when you really, really mean it. Tip: Domo is also “hi” and “bye” It’s more of an acknowledgment than a thanks.
2.Doko desu-ka…(Where is…) — Best pronunciation: doh-koh dess-ka. Begin the question with the object of the question. For example: Where is the toilet? = Toilet-wa doko desu-ka? Btw, “toilet” is pronounced toh-ee-ray, and roll the “r” just a little bit, almost as if it’s an “L.”
3.Kudesai (Please) – Self-explanatory; use where appropriate. Or after extra-gaijin requests like asking for a fork: Kudesai, Foku-wa arimasuka? (Ah-ree-mas-kah). Literally: Please, fork is there? Japanese = talking like Yoda.
4.Gomenesai (I’m sorry) – When you step on somebody’s foot on the subway. (Also useful if you accidentally stroll in to a Yakuza joint.)
5.Daijobu (That’s okay) – When somebody apologizes to you, which may be unlikely.
6.Nama birru hitatsu (One draft beer) – The Japanese number system is crazy. There are different words for numbers, depending on whether you are numbering cylindrical things or flat things or bottles or rabbits or birds or fish…on and on and on. When ordering beer, stick with “hitatsu,” which is for bottles of beer. “Nama” means “raw” or “draft,” which really comes out of big bottle usually anyway. If you want two beers, the number is “futatsu.” Three is “mitsu.” Any more than that, just hold up the appropriate number of fingers and smile. They’ll get it. Tell them whether you want Sapporo, Asahi, or Kirin. They usually have Bud and/or Bud Light, and sometimes even Heinekin.
7.Nan-sai desu-ka (How old are you?) — This could come in handy. Age of consent is typically 20, so watch yourself. The word for “20” is “ni-ju,” or 2 x 10, so any age that begins in “ni-ju…” is fair game. Do not confuse it with ju-ni, or 10 plus 2.
8.Kimochi (Feels good) – Not for you to say, but to understand. If an attractive girl tugs on your arm and uses this word repeatedly, she is likely one of many different kinds of prostitutes—or a legitimate masseuse. Proceed at your own risk. If she says “Sen zuri,” she’s definitely a prostitute.
9.Ikura? (How much?) — This is in no way related to #8. You will need this for other things, too, you perv. If you ask in Japanese, though, be prepared to get a Japanese answer. The best way to handle this is to know your general numbers, ich, ni, san, shi, go…et cetera.
10.Shitsurei (Excuse me) – That’s pronounced sheets-oo-ray, potty mouth. (Though you can have fun with them by asking them to use the word “city,” hardee-har-har.) It’s a polite word, used mostly if you are interrupting someone or getting a strangers attention. If more casual or feel you are even footing with someone, “chotto,” works well, too. For example, you might ask a ni-ju sai woman “Chotto, chotto. Opai-pabu-wa, doko desu-ka?” Just kidding. Don’t ask that. If so, you just asked where the nudie-bar is.
Bonus: When leaving a restaurant, it’s traditional to bow a little to hosts and say “Go chiso sama desushita!” — go-chee-soh-sah-mah-desh-tah. It means, literally, “It was a feast!” A nice way of thanking them for their hard work.
Top 10 Craziest Things Seen In Shibuya
February 29, 2008
Shibuya is Tokyo’s hipster/poser/club district for hipsters, posers, and gaijin that don’t have a lot of cash. If you’ve got money, Roppongi is the place to be, so long as you understand the girl eyeing you expects you to have no problem paying $20 per drink.
So, check out Shibuya, where you can find some great $20 all-you-can-drink-all-night specials. On the way there, just outside Shibuya Station, you may run into these things.
1. Hachiko. This is the name of the dog they immortalized in bronze at the Station. He symbolizes loyalty because legend has it that his master died at work, but Hachiko showed up at the train station every day anyway. The statue is also a hotbed for anti-American sentiment, right-wingers on top of vans shouting into bullhorns and handing out petitions to everybody that doesn’t look like you.
2. Rainbow dog. Yes, another dog. Well, dogs. The Japanese like to make stupid little yippy dogs stupider by dying their hair all kinds of colors. Don’t be surprised when you nearly trip over a dog with pink, blue, and yellow hair.
3. Weird orange-leisure-suit band wearing sunglasses at night. They play right outside the station and can gather a crowd—not because they’re any good, but because they’re weird.
4. Clusterf**k at the intersection. There’s a big, four-road intersection right outside the train station. On a Friday night, say 7ish, it looks like a concert just let out. Just squeeze yourself in and go with the flow in the general direction you want to go.
5. Fake drugs. Once you’re across the sea of people in the intersection, you’ll likely run into an out-door hipster market with likely Yakuza merchants selling “legal drugs” they compare to ecstasy, mushrooms, whatever. Try if you like, but it’s probably Sudafed.
6. Pimps. Lots of ‘em, looking for men, most definitely Yakuza. Proceed with caution, and according to your own morals and/or budget. Tip: The prostitution laws in Japan are very politician-friendly. Prostitutes and pimps get arrested, Johns typically don’t. But it may not be worth the risk, right? Best to ignore them and continue on your way.
7. Clubs. Just walk around and you’ll see them. Often small like everything in Japan with some kind of drink special. The super hot wearing-very-little Japanese women are there with somebody, guaranteed. The Korean girls are in large, beautiful groups and not interested in talking to anybody. So it’s just like going to a club back home. If you don’t know them already, you may not have any luck.
8. Japanese teens dressed in Hip Hop gear. Lots of ‘em. They’ll make you laugh. Enjoy.
9. Schoolgirls out too late and with men much too old for them. This is a “special” relationship. The old man is paying for her school uniform and school-associated necessities. She offers him “company.” This is kind of legal, like escort services.
10. Trains not running after midnight. If you didn’t come to party all night, you’d better make sure you’re back at the station, timing the last train just right so you’re sure it can make it back to where you’re going before the entire Japanese rail system shuts down for the night. Otherwise, unless you want to pay way, way, way too much for a cab, you’re stuck in Shibuya until dawn. Better there than somewhere in between after they kick you off the train.
Top 10 Bars about Tokyo
November 20, 2007
Here, we review the 10 best bars in Tokyo, where you can drink, dance and mingle with your group or other people.
1. New York Bar
Location: 52nd Floor, Park Hyatt Hotel Nishi-Shinjuku 3-7-1 Tokyo
Hours: Sun - Wed 5pm - midnight; Thu - Sat 5pm - 1am
Telephone: 00 81 3 5323 3458
New York Bar is located on the 52nd floor of the Park Hyatt Tokyo, 235m up in the sky. This bar is rated by Wallpaper magazine as one of the best roof-top bars in the world. Its decoration is excellent with dark wood, ebony chairs, walnut floors and floor-to-ceiling-windows which offers a view of Mount Fujiyama on a clear day. The bar also has more than 40 liqueurs, 15 cognacs and a huge variety of whiskies, gins, rums and tequilas from which you may choose.
2. Castillo
Location: 1F Dai 2 Aoi Bldg 6-1-8 Roppongi Minato-ku Tokyo
Telephone: 03-3475-1629
Located in Roppongi ,district of Minato Ward, Castillo bar is one of the finest bars in Tokyo. Its tinsel walls and twinkling ceilings light up the bar brightly and the bartenders and staff here wear beautiful costumes. Retro songs are always played here and paintings of past patrons which hang on the walls give the bar a warm and welcoming atmosphere. The drinking menus are also large and various.
3. Bandol
Location: 2-12-16 Minami-Aoyama Tokyo
Hours: Lunch, Mon-Fri 11:30am- 2:30pm; Dinner, daily 6pm-10:30pm; Bar 10:30pm-1:30am
Telephone: 0081 3 5785 3722
The stylish Bandol Bar is located in the congested Minami-Aoyama area, Tokyo. Bandol Bay is famous for its impressive wine list which contains almost every best wine from around the world such as France, Italy and Spain. Additionally, this bar also offers an extensive cocktail menu which you can find old favorites along with more unusual concoctions like ‘Ontology’ and ‘Fantasy’.
4. Bar Bourbon Street
Location: 7-8-16 Roppongi, Minato-ku Tokyo
Hours: Tues & Wed: 6PM - 2AM, Thurs, Fri & Sat: 6PM - 4AM
If you want to taste the New Orleans’s atmosphere in Tokyo, Bar Bourbon Street is exactly the right place for you. The bar is located on Roppongi ,district, an active area where western tourists and expatriates are prevailed. Bar Bourbon Street is also considered the ideal place for drinker who needs to escape the frantic life of the Japanese capital. Live music is played every night, blues and jazz are best here.
5. Bar Ho
Location: 6-2-10 Backborn House B1F Minami-Aoyama Tokyo
Hours: Mon-Thu 6pm-2am; Fri-Sat 6pm-5am; Sun 3pm-12midnight
Telephone: 81 3 5774 4390
If you need to taste the best whiskey in Tokyo, Bar Ho is the first place for you. Known as a gem of whiskey bar, Bar Ho is ready to serve you the finest whiskeys from around the world. The bar has multi room space with a cozy and intimate private bar reached by a curved steel stairway. Jazz music will float around and make you feel like Sinatra is going to be next through the door.
6. Mothers Ruin
Location: B1 NF Bldg, 2-2-7 Kitazawa Setagaya-ku Tokyo, 155-0033
Hours: Mon - Sun 6pm - 2am
Telephone: 00 81 3 3412 5318
If you need some place which is able to gives you an exciting feeling while you taste your beer, Mothers Ruin Bar is the right place for you. Inside the Bar, the atmosphere and decoration are extremely different from the other bars in Tokyo. There is a giant stuffed lizard hanging from the ceiling and the Aztec décor are also made the bar look like a Mayan tomb. Apart from various drinking menus, the bar also offers Japanese, Chinese and Western cuisine.
7. Jicoo
Hours: Departing Hinode Passenger Terminal at 8pm, 9pm and 10pm, and Odaiba Passenger Terminal at 8:30pm, 9:30pm and 10:30pm.
Telephone: 0081 1 2004 9490
If you’re looking for a new experience of drinking and hanging out with your friend, Jicoo Bar is a perfect place for you. A space-age floating bar, Jicoo shuttles back and forth between Hiriode Pier and Odaiba on Tokyo Bay. The bar was designed by anime cartoonist Leiji Matsumoto who needed to make his clients enjoy the spectacular views of the Tokyo bay. Additionally, the drinking menus are also large and various.
8. Standing Bar S
Location: 3-22-13 Shinjuku Tokyo
Hours: Mon-Sat 5pm-5am; Sun and hols 5pm-midnight
Telephone: 0081 3 3353 7350
Sorry guys, this bar is especially reserved for ladies and the only men to be seen are through the kitchens windows. The aesthetic decoration is less importance here and almost all of its space is a simple standing-room. However, seats can be found upstairs in the impressive V.I.P lounge. The bar is also famous for its drinks menu which is full of wines, cog tail, beer and much more.
9. John Henry’s Study
Location: Murata Building 2-2-10 Kichijoji Honcho, Musashino-shi Tokyo
Telephone: 00 81 (0) 422 21 3854
Even the name sounds like a library, this place offers you classic cocktails, wines, beers, gourmet sandwiches and many more. John Henry’s Study Bars is located on the second floor of Murata Building. It has a cozy wooden interior with dim lantern lighting and plush leather seats. The usual music here is classic jazz which is suited with the bar’s environment and atmosphere.
10. Soho’s Omotesando
Location: 4F V28 Bldg 6-31-17 Jimgumae Tokyo
Hours: 11.30am - 4am
Telephone: 00 81 3 5468 0411
Located on the top floor of the CDI Aoyama Studios, Soho’s Omotesando is considered one of the most modern bars in Tokyo. Known as a Super-sexy hi-tech space bar, Soho’s Omotesando is attractive with its curved aluminum walls, exposed piping, red velvet décor and massive floor-to-ceiling windows through which the view of the people on Omotesando dori below is straight out of sci-fi. Here, the drinking menus are also large and various.
